2 First draft feedback

On Thursday we pitched our first draft to the class. Whilst many others were showing improvements they had made on their first draft we had already filmed and edited our second as we wanted to concentrate a lot on this. We prepared 6 questions and asked the class after we had shown our title sequence. Before we showed the class we told them that there was no sound as we had only been editing the piece for two days and before playing the clip asked them to consider what sound they would add.

The questions were:

Do you understand the concept?

Would you add eerie/diagetic/or ironic music/sound?

Do you think our change in genre has made our piece better?

Do you think the quick cuts are effective?

Do you feel confused or on edge?

Do you think the titles fit?

The last question was quite a trick question as we DO want them to feel confused this is our aim. Our peers said that they would add diagetic and ironic music to the title sequence and some people suggested heavy breathing and lighting the match as diagetic sound. Everybody agreed our change in genre was better and showed our skills more. The quick cuts were well recieved in particular the ending where we involved the opening of the door with lots of quick cuts to the ending and appearence of the title. The shuddering of the screen to the title scene were the name appears in white on a black screen was also well recieved as it made it more mysterious and chilling. Our main problem with feedback was that the concept was hard to understand, this was mainly because the girl walking to the house looks quite scary as she is wearing black boots and walking quite scarily, this confuses the audience as they do not realise that she is a vulnerable girl.

We have decided to re shoot the parts with the girl and our peers suggested using mise en scene to exaggerate her character. We are going to ask our friend to wear a dress and pumps with a jacket and bring her ipod so we can begin the music of the title sequence when she puts her earphones in. Close ups on her dress, bracelets and shoes will show her vulnerability and adhere to the girly stereotype we are trying to put across. We have also taken on board some advice that we need to see the girls face when she is walking as there is TOO much mystery with the characters, we are going to shoot her texting and smiling so she seems innocent and this will contrast against the violent acts of the mystery person in the house.